Don’t judge the title. This is not expert advice. This is not even advice. These are my beliefs. They arise from my thoughts. From my mind. They haven’t been fed to me. I haven’t followed experts or read books by relationship gurus so as to think this way. I think this way (and write) because this is what I know as the truth. Me. You don’t have to agree with me. And I don’t want you to. I’m but passing on what I want to pass on right now. Saying what I need to say. This may be inspired by various arguments with certain people I know, or by foolish statements by some folks in my age-group, my generation. The latter especially.
First of all. If you’re the type who change relationships monthly like confused hyenas, this is what I think of your so-called “dating”: It is like walking to a car store and buying a cheap, sometime faulty, vehicle just to see how far you can ‘push’ together. Yes. Cheap and Faulty. And you know the worst bit of such is that you know that the so called relationship won’t work but you force it. Not because you believe something will somehow change but because you only want to roll for some time. Waste of time.
I often wonder how such people even live with themselves. They are the type that’ll end a ‘friendship’ over a cup of tea. I have no problem with your lives though. Why should it bother me?
Since I have been giving thought to such a post, I think I should go ahead and attack some groups of people here. Some things that irk me. And I’m not basing this in anyway whatsoever from past experiences or from friends’. But I don’t have to say that since all of you already know me.
Now. People who don’t know what they want. Yep. I hate people with no stand. Watu hawana msimamo. You want but at the same time you don’t. It is some sort of oxymoron. With an amplification on the moronic bit. If you want something go for it. Plunge yourself in wholeheartedly. Don’t be lukewarm. If you are going into a relationship with a person who is not ready to say what you are to them, someone who’s not ready to live their whole life with you (and only you), someone who is not ready to state exactly what they want in their lives, someone who cannot ascertain their feelings or their thoughts about you then you’re like a fool trusting a politician to pay your medical bills without the presence of media houses. I mean why, for even one second, would you trust a person when they are unsure of themselves? A relationship isn’t some sort of a test with the objective being “Let’s see how this fairs on”. That’s like settling on cheap and faulty. I don’t believe in test drives. ‘If we are doing this, we are doing this for life’.
Two. Stupidity. Everybody says they hate stupidity. If you ask anyone out there, they’ll loudly say brains over looks. Both genders say that. Funny enough! But I don’t want to say how most are stupid. I’ll be attacked if I say that.
See this, stupidity is not in lacking academic papers. It is not naivety. You are not stupid because you don’t know the names of celebrities or because you don’t know new movies. You are not stupid because you don’t know how to apply make-up or how to dress up. Stupidity is not measured in terms of your accents or how you shrub. Not being on Twitter or Facebook doesn’t make you stupid.
However you are stupid if you value stupid things over real things. You are definitely stupid if you think being on social media makes you better than other people. You are helplessly stupid if you think knowing celebs and copying their dressing and hopelessness makes you any better. You are stupid if you let others make your decisions. If you can’t reason for yourself (and do things in your own terms) you’re impossibly stupid.
Now language (writing) pundits may want to question the reason as to why I haven’t used synonyms for ‘stupid’. I have repeatedly used ‘stupid’ in the previous paragraphs. Why? Because I want to.
Don’t get in to a relationship with stupid people. People who value material things over important stuff. They are the type of yappy individuals who will follow every other thing they hear out there. They are this today and that tomorrow.
Then there are Narcissists. Self-absorbed individuals who think everything in this world is about them. The type of people who wouldn’t spare a single minute of their day to think about how what they might have said or done affects others. Every single story is about them. If you try and say anything to them, they’ll interject with their own stories about very much unrelated topics. They don’t ask you, they don’t care about you, you have to start off the conversations, you have to listen to what they say, if you tell them your stuff they will say ‘Cool’ ‘Okay, that’s nice’ and yap on or end the convo. They will not remember your words but expect you to do theirs. Life is all about them and you want to be in a relationship with them? They are already in a relationship with themselves.
Four. Gossipers. Ah. People who get through their day with idle talk or rumours. They indulge themselves with the private affairs of others. And then they go on ahead to spread such with fellow gossipers. Have you heard the quote “Small minds discuss people, mediocre minds discuss events. Great minds discuss ideas”? If you haven’t then blame your high school principal for not bringing in Pepe Minambo to read you quotes by Eleanor Roosevelt. But now that you have heard it, blame yourself if you enter in to a relationship with such slanderers. Such backbiters. Such denigrators. Such defamers. Such idealess fools who revel in making news and buzzes of the lives of other individuals.
I told you this wasn’t expert advice. These are my thoughts. You don’t have to agree with them. You can question them. Though I wonder what you’ll be questioning here.
If you want to question the dating bit, I’ll tell you this: “Life is too short. If we are doing this, we are doing this for good, for life. We are either in this or we are not. This is not a test drive. We are not trying something out. We are making this work”.
There’s nothing like the perfect one. (But there are however bad, awful, what-were-you-thinking choices 🙂 Obvious mismatches, I say). People make things work together. People sacrifice and sit down and understand and agree to disagree and argue and… make things work. The magic is not in lacking issues and disagreement and arguments and having differences and blah. The magic is in working them out. Making things work.